It has nothing to do with part one. Scrambles is just once again, a fitting metaphor for my life and how my mind navigates it.
After three months of feeling lost, unmotivated, and sometimes depressed, I’m pulling myself back together. Slowly, of course.
Unfortunately, a couple good days doesn’t mean it’s all better and I’m back to feeling enthusiastic about living again, no. But it’s a reminder of what’s possible.
One of my biggest downfalls in trying to pull my life together is the constant anticipation of things and right now, I have quite a transition coming up.
I’m anticipating packing, moving, and visiting my family in Erie. In addition to these, my goal is to get stable work before the Fall semester begins.
In one month from today I return from Erie and honestly, I want it to be over. I am beyond excited for the two weeks when I return to adjust to my new living situation and (hopefully) stable jobs before classes begin.
It’s hard to remain happy and enthusiastic when all you can focus on is an upcoming transition. I want to appreciate every moment, but it’s hard with a mind that anticipates life whether or not anything significant is coming up.
I’m naturally an anxious person, so with what I’m looking at now, all my mind wants to do is think about it, dread it, and re-live imaginary future scenarios and possibilities.
It’s an annoying way to live. Everything always seems to work out for me in the end, life’s got my back.
Yet, I waste my time worrying about it anyways.